September, The New January?
It may not surprise you to know that as a kid, organizing my school supplies was my favourite fall ritual.
At least a week before school started, I would line up my pencils, pens, pencil crayons, ruled paper, Duotangs (remember these??), pencil case, pencil sharpener, and so on. Systematically, I would review the list provided to me by my school, and with my brand new red pen (always red…) I would take great care in ticking off each box to make sure I had every item in my possession. In fastidious printing , I would label each item with my full name before packing everything neatly in my backpack.
This ritual was a practice in familiarity. This was my way of exercising control over my environment, over my pending experience that was unknown. Would I like my teacher? Who would I make friends with? What would I be learning?
Brené Brown would refer to this mixed feeling of anxiety and anticipation as an ““FFT” (or “F*%$ng First Time”). Every time we willingly try something new, or we encounter something we have never chosen or had occasion to experience before - this counts as an FFT.
As a global community, we have been reckoning with the undeniable effects of numerous, enormous, and intersecting FFTs in the past while - racial injustice, climate change, the devastating legacy of residential schools, redefining gender, income inequality, the omnipresent impact of generational trauma, not to mention the global pandemic that has served as the illuminating backdrop to all the things that are in desperate need of our attention and our action.
*NOTE: I am not suggesting any of these issues are new, but rather these collective, global calls-to-action are what is new.
We are collectively overwhelmed. And we know change is inevitable, and necessary.
So what do we do? Where do we begin?
Brené’s methodology is this:
Name It & Normalize It (This is what this is…defined honestly)
Put It In Perspective (This s*%t is hard work, and I cannot possibly fix this all by myself but I want to contribute in some way)
Reality-Check Expectations (This is the difference I can actually make, and these are the small but significant steps I can take. There may be consequences to my decisions that are uncomfortable in the sort term.)
This past week, British Columbians are contending with yet another FFT - a province-wide mandate to limit access to public spaces for those who are not vaccinated. This order has been put in place to protect those who are not able to be vaccinated, like children under 12 and those who are immuno-compromised. We are also being asked to once again don our masks in public spaces. All these measures are being implemented to quell the increasing COVID-19 case counts.
This mandate has been bitterly controversial, pitting those who, for various reasons, are eschewing the vaccine against those who have chosen to be vaccinated.
For the record, I fall into the latter category. This choice was a no-brainer for me. I am blessed with uncompromised health, but I also recognize that the insidious nature of the Delta variant means that I can still carry the virus and infect others. As someone whose livelihood involves teaching public yoga classes, and who has witnessed so many yoga studios shuttered permanently as a result of limited capacity and prolonged closures, I did not hesitate to be vaccinated. I, like virtually all my colleagues, have lost over half my income from teaching yoga in the past two years. I willingly place the broader needs of the community to achieve herd immunity over my individual autonomy because I long to see this global pandemic from a place of hindsight.
While I honour some folks’ desire to act in the interest of sovereignty over their own bodies, and would never demand that someone make a choice that violates that, I also have to make hard choices in this difficult time. This is my most urgent FFT, and it is personal. How do I create a definitive boundary around myself and my own beliefs, while also honouring the choices of others, some of whom are my closest friends? What happens when my FFT rubs up against someone else’s?
Let’s see if Brené’s methodology can be applied here:
Name It/Normalize It: I am uncomfortable with the idea that my desire to safeguard my community and my livelihood is placing me at odds with close friends and colleagues who are choosing differently.
Put It In Perspective: Having a difference of opinion or perspective does not make us enemies. We can still engage in dialogue and disagree. I can love someone and not agree with them.
Reality Check Expectations: Expressing my boundaries is going to cause a temporary rift,. The reality is that I will not be seeing certain people in person for a few months longer. But this hopefully will not be forever.
As we move together into the fall season - into the new school year, into the new routine of life, into the surging 4th wave - let’s try this: let’s start by “organizing our school supplies”. Let’s tackle what we can, what is manageable for us. Let’s show up in the capacity and condition that we are able to muster on any given day. Somedays will be hard, and some less so. Let’s pick our battles, our FFTs, wisely. And let’s try our best to operate from a place of grace and compassion for ourselves, and for others, every time.
Peace, love & blessings,
Andrea
